For the past year a small renegade of people mustered up just enough bravery to step out into the unknown and be a part of something that did not even yet exist. And as my pastor said this morning, "the reason we start new churches is because we believe that we have something to offer to our community that will produce a real lasting hope. Our hope isn't a fad, lifestyle or standard of living, our hope is a person."
I believe that to be true, in fact when he said it this morning I let out a hefty "A to the MEN!" With all of my being I know that is true, but for the past six months I have questioned, wrestled and wondered if I was the one to help offer that hope to our community. This nagging thought amped up as we narrowed in on the last two weeks leading up to the launch of the church. I found my thoughts being taken captive by self-doubt. My actions were paralyzed by inadequacy. There were many staff meetings I sat across from my pastor and just straight up told him I wasn't sure he got the right person for the job! See, most Executive Pastors are those trained in business or finance and well, most of them are men. I am none of those things, especially the last one. I don't have an MBA, CPA, DBA in fact I have no letters after my name - it is just Jenny. But over the past six months I have run payroll, printed checks and attained commercial liability insurance amongst many other very adult like things. I have done all the adulting, while wondering who I was trying to fool, looking like I know what I am doing.
Most days I drive home thinking to myself, "What in the heck am I doing? This is stupid. Who am I?" But see here is the thing about inadequacy, you can define it or let it define you. Picture with me two paths, much like a fork in the road scenario. Something like this.
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" 2 Corinthians 5:17
Right there in my car I had a decision to make, I could lay it all down at the feet of the one that gave me this calling, the calling of being an Executive Pastor, or I could stay paralyzed in my car. Here's the ironic thing about inadequacy, it can be a healthy reminder of the fact that we were never intended to live out our callings on our own strength. I should feel inadequate, I should be taking such gigantic risks in my faith that I am only left with a dependency of Christ to make it happen. I always want to be actively pursuing a calling that I am not equipped for, one that leaves me feeling inadequate, because I want to always be dependent on the ONE that is adequate!
Peter was not adequate to walk on water, but he also was never meant to stay in the boat.
So here is my challenge to you - next time you feel inadequate in the calling that God has placed on your life, think about the fork in the road and embrace the inadequacy. Don't stand at the fork for too long, just keep walking, and let Christ complete the transformation of His new creation.
And you know what? I got out of my car that day and all the days after, including today, in which I got to witness over 200 people walk through the doors of Real Hope Community Church for the first time ever, six of which met Jesus for the first time. And you know what else God did, over the course of many months He sent us a Chief Financial Officer, an Accountant with an MBA, a Aerospace Engineer and so many other talented people to help us launch well. Turns out He had it all handled from the beginning, He never meant for me to do it alone and He doesn't mean that for you to either.